And It Still Hurts

There she is. As breathtakingly gorgeous as ever. She embodies perfection, from her big brown eyes that drill their way deep into your heart to her luscious lips that beg you to come closer. She’s hard to look away from and impossible to walk away from. She is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen, and she broke my heart.

I needed to be wanted, and she wanted me so badly. It was amazing having someone so wonderful be so crazy about you. It really changed everything. She made me feel like someone. She made me feel like I was worth something. I tried to fool myself into thinking I was the hero and she was going to be the beautiful girl that fell in love with me by the end of the movie, but I should have known that was never going to happen.

Our eyes finally meet, and it’s quickly understood that nothing can be the way it used to be. Never again. Where there was once a smile and a laugh, there is now nothing but a blank stare begging me to free her from my gaze. That longing gaze is all that I have left. I know if I look away, she’ll be gone. How can I just let her go?

"I wanted to give you everything"

She says nothing, her face rigidly retaining her previous expression. I desperately wish that she’ll say something, anything, just one shred of verbal acknowledgement, but she remains statuesque. I can’t give up.

"I wish things could have been different"

She blinks, and my mind races in a million different directions. What to make of this crack in her stone-wall of emotion; Regret? Sorrow? Guilt? Reality quickly snaps my mind back to the starting line and I know, this time with more certainty than before that she doesn’t care about me anymore. The blink meant nothing. I meant nothing. It finally hit me.

My lips begin to tremble and my hands begin shake. Here it is, at last. The tears roll down my face, and the bittersweet acceptance embraces and consoles me like a lover would, like I wish she would have. It’s really over. It’s time to close my eyes now, and let her go. Even just beginning to close my eyes is a battle. Little by little, my eyes close, and my heart writhes in agony as my view of her fades to black. I manage two words, not sure if she’s even still there to hear them;

"Good bye"

Those are the hardest two words you can say to a dream. I know it’s going to hurt, but it’s time.

I open my eyes. She’s gone.

And it still hurts.